Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Introducing the all New GM

Now that GM is Government Motors I think they need to change the name of their brands and models also:

Yukon --> Yukonnot
Buick --> Blewit
Cadillac --> Cadiseverelylac
Impala --> Imp
Corvette --> Corpse
Trailblazer --> Trailblah
LaCrosse --> LaNonReligousSymbol
CTS --> now stands for “Congressional Tax Supplemented”
Cobalt --> Coalbad
Colorado --> Colornegro
Silverado --> Hyperinflationado
Malibu --> Malfeasance
Camaro --> Cambarely
Equinox --> Equinot

…and the all new model due this fall (drum roll please)….the…OBAMA!!!

That’s right, it gets 100 MPG, has seat belts for 4, comfortably seats 0, top speed of 30 MPH, 15 Horsepower inline 1, has a cam, available with an Air America radio, and roll-down air conditioning-esque features. It earned a minus 1 star in Insurance Institute crash tests and sports an optional airbag (see Air America radio option above). Every car comes standard in Obama blue and sports an “Obama for Dictator” bumper sticker. It has a GPS that shuts down the engine if you divert from the shortest route between your house and the park-and-ride. The seats and body panels are made from recycled voting booths. Fuel for the car comes from the methane reclamation at the Opposition Party corpse dump.

The car is progressively priced:

1) Anyone making less than $17,000 per year, or who is on Welfare or unemployed for more than 12 months: Free, plus you get $10,000 cash back.
2) For people working with an annual income of $17,000 - $35,000: $25,000
3) Anyone making more than $35,000 per year: $250,000

Financing is available at an interest rate of 25% (the market rate a few months from now) with all payments due in 1980 dollars.

Good luck, Komrades!

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